The girl I once knew is a miniature version of herself sitting at the pit of her own being.
Her screams echo in the vastness of this shell she used to call her body.
The mind she once knew is the distance away it would take to climb Mount Everest.
Only each day a record blizzard blares away making the slightest step impossible.
Her
Her with her demure smile.
Quiet.
You couldn’t imagine a word she’d say.
Wholesome.
Modest.
She carries herself like there were pins under her feet.
Her posture was skyscrapers sweeping the clouds.
If you opened her up, you’d think she’d open like a lily on a spring morning.
Incandescent floral tissue paper fragrant with roses.
Her insides would be paper maché and origami.
How you’d imagine the star student’s notebook,
Heart dotted i’s, highlighter for every section, cursive that told you love stories.
Elegant.
Voice, a symphony of every beautiful thing you could imagine.
Songbirds, an ocean wave, the wind through summer leaves.
My Mother’s Worship
Morning church bells ring to the tune of disappointment.
The pews are full of hopeful people.
The prayers come in whispers.
Whispers that so desperately want to sound like a melody.
The tornado of voices whip into the oblivion to a God who sits atop a marble throne.
He lets the phone ring into an infinite answering machine.
Raw
I know what that means now.
The contents of my mind spilled out on the floor
The darkest parts of my insides
My deepest thoughts
Sawed open
A personal display for your enjoyment
Memories turn pile of guts
My baggage the blood you wear on your hands.
The Space for Me
Today, our first anniversary spent alone.
The scent of you lingers on the cold side of my bed.
I can’t explain the duality of loving you and not wanting to hurt.
Knowing what is right and what’s wrong.
A lot of what I say I think gets lost in translation.
I wish there were a way for you to plug into my mind to understand the thoughts that lay beneath my eyes.
I feel like a mountain climber climbing to the top of a plateau in search of a peak that doesn’t exist.
But hopeful as I ever am,
I will pursue expeditions that seem so far impossible to find a space in this life where you and I exist in harmony.
Human.
I want to get lost in conversations with perfect strangers.
Talk until the moon is chased away by the sun.
Connect the stars like they were pictures.
Exchange similarities as if relating was a currency.
Theorize the meaning of life like we were philosophers in the year 600.
I want to make sense of it all and have it make no sense at all.
Life is a riddle that shouldn’t be solved.
I want our connectedness to be the only thing.
Emotions we share as humans.
Yearning to feel it all.
Love.
The strings that link us together.
Nerves in a nervous system. One body.
An endless web of souls interconnected.
The surge of energy running through our veins.
Elated, floating, bubbling with happiness.
I want to share the things that make us hurt.
make us laugh.
make us full.
Laugh until we cry,
Then cry until we hug.
Hold each other’s trauma in tender arms.
I want to live a life that’s a constant reminder of what it means to be a human.
Your Music.
Beside the oak tree
A picnic for two
Romantic gestures
A girl could melt in your flowers
A home cooked meal
My heart twisted like your fusilli pasta
I don’t drink wine
But you poured it
You speak pure eloquence
I lay out on a luxuriant bed of flowers
I listen intently
Your mouth a composer
The words are music
I am begging to be your conductor
The orchestra erupts
And I long to be wrapped in your melody
Cradled in this symphony
Your words become the curtain over my eyes
Suddenly I am teetering on the edge of a cliff
Hanging on to the edges of your words
The shards of punctuation stab my fingertips
Holding onto your words is starting to feel like life and death
“I heard you.”
“I’m listening.”
You held my hurt in the palm of your hand
You made it feel small
Nestled it in your arms promising protection
Words and Words
Rehearsed and Repeated
Meaningless music to manipulate
You gave me a foot and I only took an inch
Which is still precisely 1.54 cm more than anyone has ever given me
I’m an intoxicated mess
High off the words you’ve injected into my veins
A musical pulse beating through me
A man who probed me for my wounds
I am having withdrawals from all the things you’ve said to me
I am sick.
Addicted to your words
Your music
Melodic lies that have encased my brain
I can’t tell if you’re a musician or a magician
I have fallen for your tricks
I will be drowning at your concert.
My Notebook
I wrote until my fingers ached
The pen denting my finger
I’d hope the words could bellow out from the page below
Hear me
My mind a jambalaya of thoughts
Expressions tied in knots around the tip of my tongue
Screams jarred down my esophagus
Emotions needling through my veins like mercury
Turning solid in my bones
Remorseful skeleton
Prisoner to her own words
I thought the poetry could set me free
It’s turned my life into complex metaphors
An index of riddles
Lost between lines and stanzas
I’m writing the words out of myself and myself out of the words
My journal has become my emotional purgatory
I wrote my soul on paper
An illustration of a jail cell
What’s no longer locked inside is locked in lines of graphite and ink
Eternal bidding hell
My notebook
My Forsaken Friend
When you took your last breath,
The world was silent.
You took with you all the sound.
The laughs. The late night talks.
The “I Miss you’s.” The “I love you’s.”
The “I need friend right now’s.”
I need a friend right now…
I imagine you in pearly gates of heaven,
Dressed to your finest.
Handing out pieces of your soul like gifts.
Creating friendships to last eternity.
An endless love.
You always had an endless love.
So much to give…
My Body
Our bodies are never ours today
They are always our yesterdays
You say today is a new day
But My Body can’t forget
Wincing at the touch.
Today is not a new me
Today is a me that’s a product of my yesterday
A product of my last year
A product of my whole life
And this me can’t shed the feeling of your hands crawling on my skin Continue reading
KelseyRoseKnows 